This is my voice

by Creatrixe

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1.
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3.
02:47
4.
5.
02:19

credits

released December 26, 2013

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Creatrixe Portland, Maine

Queer folk-pop Harpist from Portland, Maine.

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Track Name: If I were evil
If I were evil

Thank you sun for waking me
Up with your
Smile I can always
Count on you
To shine down.
Even when clouds
Are thick in the
Atmosphere
I know your there
Just waiting to break
Through their frown

You remind me that
It’s okay to cry
‘cause the light that’s behind
Will make my skin dry
Give it time…


Thank you air
For being inside me
Helping me know
That I am worth breathing
With the world around me
Community
I am worthy
‘cause if…

(Chorus)

V3
I’ve shot arrows and knives
Through the slats in my walls
And I’ve taken the memories
Built them tall
I’ve let you inside
Without any doubt
I’ve burned down my fortress
And kicked you out

I’ve stamped on your heart
And I’ve blown through your soul
I’ve taken your energy
And left you out cold
But if…

V4
I’ve killed all my lovers
Without a plea
I’ve hidden their bodies
Before THEY could kill ME
MY blood’s made of fear
And my veins are angry
Though..

Chorus
If I were evil than
Love wouldn’t touch me
If I were a monster
Than I couldn’t breath
The atoms that make up
The wind through the trees
Is the same that makes up
Me.

So I’ll be
I’ll be
All that I am telling to be

V5

Thank you sun for waking me
Up with your
Smile I can always
Count on you
To shine down.
Even when clouds
Are thick in the
Atmosphere
I know your there
Just waiting to break
Through their frown

You remind me that
It’s okay to cry
‘cause the light that’s behind
Will make my skin dry
Give it time…
Track Name: This is my Voice
Look at my face
You’ll see layers of skin
My cells format together
To make this uniqueness
Beneath the lines
Lies the darkness of my insides
The castles of my soul
You tried to steal with your lies
You might have picked me for your grooming
and faded away
But I never forgot what you felt like
And I never said a word because
I thought that’s what love did
But, I wondered in the night
if you could ever hear me screaming.
Because:

I have a voice
It’s not pretty or fancy
But I’ll use it how I want to
And I don’t give a damn
I have a voice
It’s not magical or grand
But it’s mine
Yes it’s mine
And I’ll
Use it all the time
I’ll use it all the time
‘Cause I can.

Sometimes a heart can withstand a million beatings
People breaking and taking it loving and leaving
It still keeps on surviving what a body can’t imagine
that doesn’t make it justified for someone to abuse it
Like a piece of wet clay meant for sculpting and molding
I’m not a piece of art for your conditioning
my heart is worth more than yours for playing with
my body’s worth more than a thing to be slayed
my mind is a masterpiece
that’s never been meant to be caged…

I have a voice
It’s not pretty or fancy
But I’ll use it how I want to
And I don’t give a damn
‘Cause
I have a voice
It’s not magical or grand
But it’s mine
Yes it’s mine it’s mine
And I’ll
Use it all the time
I’ll use it all the time
‘Cause I can.

A reality of people who are female assigned:
Not exclusively more likely
In their life to be assaulted
I’m a gender flowing boi
Who never wanted a statistic
As a label but experience
Won’t limit or define me
I survive my PTSD
by compassion and loving
And by opening my insides
With music and poetry
‘cause

II have a voice
It’s not pretty or fancy
But I’ll use it how I want to
And I don’t give a damn
‘Cause
I have a voice
It’s not magical or grand
But it’s mine
Yes it’s mine it’s mine
And I’ll
Use it all the time
I’ll use it all the time
‘Cause I can.
And I’ll never be silent again.
Track Name: Deciduous
The swallowing earth and the shortened day
The vacancy of vitamin D within me
Only a few hours of blistering cold
as day light - she leaves.

Sleep is sweet, and calling to me
When the caverns of the beaches
Fall away you’ll see
I can disappear
Without a single fear
I am deciduous.

If I could survive I would
Give you 8 months of my dreams
Without a breath of necessity
not suffer in silence, under blankets of white
I’d hibernate with no responsibility
Other than to experience life through lucidity

Sleep is sweet, and calling to me
When the caverns of the beaches
Fall away you’ll see
I can disappear
Without a single fear
I am deciduous.

She was the moss, and the roots to her
own potted tree
She was the rain and the sun - invasive to the weeds
She lights the dirt, then cools the earth
And rips away all the leaves
There comes then a time
When she chops it all down
And blows in winds
Wild and free.

Sleep is sweet
And calling to me
When the caverns
Of beaches
Fall away you’ll see
I can disappear
Without a single fear
I am
disiduous.


Sleep is sweet, and calling to me
When the caverns of the beaches
Fall away you’ll see
I can disappear
Without a single fear
I am deciduous.
Track Name: My Heart is a Mirror
Dreams you are so cruel
With alternate realities and possibilities
Never really happening Let me sleep in blackness
Erase these memories
Of this spotless mind and empty actions

My heart is a mirror
It shows a reflection of you
Shows how ugly I can be
My heart is a mirror
It shows what life can prove
Shows prisons inside of me...

What chance would I have to find you after you found me.
What chance could I give you what you need? I would give you what you don't keep for free but it's been lost on pain that I can't read.

What chance would I have for you to seek the pieces, what chance is your face returning. What chance would this song we sang be about you and me.

I can't give you what you need.
But you can take my everything.
My heart shows the negatives of your absence.
I'm not taking your words I am just seeing if the are fitting.

My heart is a mirror
It shows a reflection of you
Shows how ugly I can be
My heart is a mirror
It shows what life can prove
Shows prisons inside of me...

I watched a black bird
From an arms length away
As she turned to a lion
and I became her prey
She spoke in a whisper
To say it’s okay but,
You can promise that you’ll love me
you can’t promise you’ll stay

My heart is a mirror
It shows a reflection of you
Shows how ugly I can be
My heart is a mirror
It shows what life can prove
Shows prisons inside,
My heart is a mirror
It shows a reflection of you
Shows how ugly I can be
My heart is a mirror
And if it wasn’t a mirror
It wouldn’t keep on breaking
Track Name: Labels
Labels

I’m a boy
And a girl
And I’m sometimes
Neither
NOT a woman
Or a man
But I can be
Either
I’m a top
And a bottom
And sometimes
In-betweener
I’m a lover
And a fighter
And consentual – believer
And I—

Ask for help
When I’m not able
Sometimes rocky
And sometimes stable
I’m a fairie and a fiend
And a demon and an angel
I am so many things,
But I’m not your label.

Femme or Butch?
Not the sooner
Or the later
I’m homo-flexible
A pitcher
And a batter
I sleep naked
When it’s cold
And naked
When it’s hotter
I love seeing people
Sometimes not
To be bothered
Cause I ---

Ask for help
When I’m not able
Sometimes rocky
And sometimes stable
I’m a fairie and a fiend
And a demon and an angel
I am so many things,
But I’m not your label.

I’m a terror and a treasure
And a pain and a pleasure
I’m a thorn and a feather
Submissive and aggressive
(SLOW DOWN)
And I get really stressed
When under pressure…. BUT I

Ask for help
When I’m not able
Sometimes rocky
And sometimes stable
I’m a fairie and a fiend
And a demon and an angel
I am so many things,
But I’m not your label.

I like to play games
Where I can’t lose or win
I like the end
And the process
As much as to begin
Doesn’t matter where I’m going
Doesn’t matter where I’ve been
Just don’t give me a title
‘cause that’s to limit-ing
‘cause I’ll---

Ask for help
When I’m not able
Sometimes rocky
And sometimes stable
I’m a fairie and a fiend
And a demon and an angel
I am so many things,
But I’m not your label.